Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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