Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you had me at cake vodka
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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