Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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