Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize