thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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