Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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