9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
