Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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