I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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