woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
