She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
