I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
