I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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