You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
