You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
