hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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