I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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