She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
