Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize