After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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