One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
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I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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