I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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