oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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