I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
