Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
