WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
