My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
