my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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