How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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