my mouth tastes like poor choices
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
