fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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