How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
