Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
