I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
