u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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