i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
