Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
