im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Found the puke drawer
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
