oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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