Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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