U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
His nipple licking is glorious
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