my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
