She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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