i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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