I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
