for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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