he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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