you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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