he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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