i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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