and next time when you feel me up, do it right
meet me or not, i'm out of control
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
