My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
