dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Semen is not good for contacts.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
