I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
