Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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