you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
