i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
