I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
