I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
