Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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