My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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