my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
