Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
