lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
