I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
