I have demons in me.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
