my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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