Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
