I am in a vortex of obligation.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have fence marks all over my body
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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